I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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