then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
