i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
