I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
