Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
