I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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