Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
