left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
