How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
