In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
