i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
