Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
