I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
