Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
