I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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