ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
