I'm eating all of the evidence.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
