I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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