How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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