I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
