I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just blew my weed a kiss
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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