she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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