The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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