The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Randomize
