you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
