i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
