sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
