Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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