If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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