break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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