My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
