I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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