When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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