My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
