You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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