How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
