I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
