I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
