I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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