i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
