Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
