Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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