Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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