I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
