I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i think i just lost a toe
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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