Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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