He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
