I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
