rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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