i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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