man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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