I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sarcasm needs its own font
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What drink are we having for lunch?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
