dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
