There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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