Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
pop tarts are not kleenex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
