You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
