He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
