The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
