Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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