the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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