sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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