Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
