Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
